Here we are in Wirral on Dee… Here we are in Wirral on Dee A Peninsula with many places to see But the Mersey flanks our other side The 3 Graces of Liverpool exhibit with Pride The Liver Bird stands on top of its dome It has welcomed many a sea-farer home They say it flaps its wings some days If pretty girls look up to the clock and gaze Christmas lights are soon switched on We’re asked to shop in Liverpool One But sit back a while from the frantic fray Relax with friends while we party today Don’t let’s worry or find a fault Even if were sitting below the salt Christmas comes but once a year, and when it comes it brings good cheer As children we did all believe That Santa came on Christmas Eve In bed we’d try to go to sleep But every now and then we’d peep At our stocking or pillowcase hanging there Had it changed its shape or was it still bare? But the following morning on Christmas Day We’d wake up early and begin to play With the wonderful toys Santa left for us; A Teddy, a doll, a game, a red bus But today there’s a difference, the EU’s seen to that Politically correct Santa is not free to chat In his grotto to children who meet him with glee They must keep their distance, not sit on his knee The reindeer must be tethered in a specific way Lest they eat the wrong food, or roam free and stray If they’re found in a thicket | Santa’s fined – no parking ticket Beware singing Rudolph with his nose so red Discrimination rears its ugly head Santa lies on his back with his sack on the ground But his little green elves are nowhere around They’ve gone off to Tesco to shop till they drop They bring booze for Santa, they’re tired so they flop Santa drinks up with gusto his sack on the ground Computers and Ipods are scattered around With his phone to his ear, he hears each request He tells them to use e-bay for that is the best So the elves get busy – they email like mad While Santa looks on, just like old granddad The pubs get quite busy from early to late The food is quite good as folk celebrate A lady in Wales baked Red Dragon pies Everyone loved them and she’d won a prize Her Red Dragon pies were famed to Niagara Men smacked their lips, no need for Viagra But a standards inspector called to see here one day Her Red Dragon pies must be stopped right away They contained Chinese beans but no real Dragon meat He said it was fraud and really a cheat When the inspector left She felt quite bereft Shed never confessed the rest of her menu Of the other nice pies she served at this venue Shepherds Pie and Cottage Pie, now these were her problem How do you put them in pies? Can you help her to solve them?
June Wilson. |